Boz's Dillema
by Morphilms
Summary: How one humble Scotsman became involved in Internet killings.
1. Part 1 How did I get into this?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing  
I don't own Hellsing  
I don't own Hellsing  
I don't own Hellsing  
Get the picture yet?  
  
Okay, this is a fan fiction of a character that appears for about 5 minutes in Order 4 of Hellsing called Boz, he's Scottish, so that's how I'm going to write it.  
  
WARNING: This Chapter and all the chapters after it will contain strong language and drug use, you have been warned.  
  
Boz's Dilemma  
  
Part 1. How did I get into this?  
  
How the fuck did a manage tae git inta this shit? 'Ere ah am, somewhere in the shit holes of South London, gitting video taped fir the internet, aw the while two giant bastards fight ower me like a piece o' fuckin meat. Some people in life are just no meant to ge' any breaks, ah must be one of them. It's funny how just before yir aboot tae die, the path thit led ye thair flashes before yir eyes n no' one reason thit originally sent you thair is justifiable. Well the same kind o' shit happened tae me. 


	2. Part 2 The Edinburgh Festival

I'd just like to say that I took Ewan McGregor's speech from "Train spotting" and used it a bit at the end... I'm sorry.  
  
Part 2. The Edinburgh Festival  
  
The Edinburgh music festival, one of the biggest things the city has goat gaun fir it wis kicking oaf and me and ma mates Eddy, Tommo and Lee wir gaun. However unlike aw the tourists thit go fir the crap bands, shity weather and terrible toilet conditions, we wir there fir other reasons, drugs and pussy. You see this is the ideal time as everyone's too fucked up oan drugs or booze tae care who they get oaf wi, I personally cannae stand the place, yir either too far away tae even see the band or cannae understand what the thair singin. I had a few contacts thit ah knew wir gaun, sae ah wis alright. We wir only thair a few minutes before ma mates began too mooth oaf saying shit like – Ay Boz, look at thit little piece a cunt ower thair, pointing at some brown haired girl wi a corset oan – Ah'd av her, like fuck he would. We hit the nearest pub and git ripped oaf fir four pints of what should be called pish by some four eyed prick who dinnae know his baws from his dick, ah aint complaining yet though as ah kin git money oaf a tha first doss cunt tae pass oot n simply git his wallet.  
Like usual the rain begins to pish doon n we heid ower tae the nearest tent, a couple a hours ago ah had scored some coke oaf a "Brian tha Bulldozer", a big fat cunt wi a brain the size of his dick, n wi aw the shite he's done it wouldnae surprised me to know thit his dick had shrivled up n died. Eddy n Tommo had fucked oaf chasing after some American birds, sae me n Lee simply sat at the back o' the tent n goat really high n drunk. Aboot five minutes later some blond bird is looking at us n given us the smile n aw thit, at first I think thit she's looking at Lee but when I turn roond to look at Lee he's busy tryin tae chat some other bird up thit only looks interested n him because he's goat a bag o' coke n his bag, the cunt better no lose thit or ah'll kill 'em. When ah turn back to the blond bird she's no thair, she's gone, BASTARD! Ah go outside tae see where she went only to find her right behind me – Hey, I'm Kim, she sais as she flicks her hair back n a sexy way - Ah'm B-boz, I stutter through because o' the drugs and drink huv bin consuming, - Enjoying the festival? She asks in a o sae posh English voice, - O yeah its great, ah wis lying through ma teeth, ah try tae think o' something tae say but ma mind isn't used tae talking when ah've had aw the shit ah've had today. - I saw what you did at the back of the tent just then. Aw shit! Is she wi the polis? Aw fuck, ah better say something before she yells "go boys" n a go doon tae the polis station, a place ah've bin tae before n am no' fond o', - O thit, thit, thit wis jist, jist, ah'm fucked fir sure, git ready fir two big cunts tae tackle us n kick the shit oot o' me. But nothing happened, she must huv seen the panic oan ma face cos she sais – Oh don't worry, I'm not with the police, thank ye God, mibbe she wants some coke oaf a me, well ah know jist how she kin git it – I'm with... an undercover investigation team and we would like people like you and your friend, indicating Lee - to help us out, help 'em oot? More confusion thit ma heid dosnae need – Listen lady ah'm nae fuckin grass, ah'm no' letting ma ain mates go ta jail jist because you want help, ah'm lying again, truth be told, ah couldnae give a shit aboot them.- You wouldn't be telling on your friends, nobody would go to jail, all I would want you and your friend to do is come down to London for one day while we film you getting the greatest high you have ever had in your life. Fuck me, the greatest high ah've ivir had n ma life! But it's n London, bastard, ah don't hate the English like everyone else, ah jist think thair aw wankers! The Scottish oan the other hand huv the distinct pleasure of being colanised by wankers. Kim sees the look of thought oan ma face, n it isn't a good one, a look constipated, - I can see you are in two minds with this so here is my card, she produces a small white card wi her name n number oan it, a take it n stuff it intae ma inside jayket pocket, - think about it okay, and who knows maybe I will show you the nightlife after it, n wi this she walks oaf. Ah kin only stand thair shocked oot a ma skull at what had jist happened, - Boz, Boz, come oan ya cunt, ah hear Eddy n Tommo n the background but ah'm still in shock coupled wi the drugs full effect by now, ah could huv stayed thair aw day had it no' been fir Lee dragging me to Eddy n thit. Fir the rest o' the night we stayed up n did aw sorts, by the end o' the night ah could barely remember where ah wis as supposed to who ah had talked to thit day. 


	3. Part 3 A new way out

Part 3. A new way out  
  
Here it comes, its getting worse now, soon my mind will cave in n ah will once again be forced tae face the hell thit is reality, tae me it's like being oan a roller coaster, thair's the feeling o' rising intae the air n then feeling like you've been shot oot o' a gun n yir mind takes ya on a ride full o' loops n twirls, but soon its gonna huv tae end, no high kin last forever... kin it?  
  
Ah shot up from the floor, only able tae recognise small things, the telly blurring away no channel tuned intae it, the lava lamp in front o' me oan the table thit Tommo thought would be funny tae look at while drifting off, ma mates still lying thair oan the floor barely conscience n the stereo playing, God knows what. As ah went tae the fridge tae get a drink the thought came tae me again, what if thair was a way o' staying high, ah took a look back a ma mates, what if ah did go off tae London in search o' the greatest high, ah'd be a legend. Ah considered telling them aw but they'd jist laugh n say ah was nuts, even if a did go they wouldnae notice, not thit am boring far from it, its jist everyone uses ma place tae crash oot aw the time, it doesnae bother me, infact ah even gave them a spair set o' keys jist in case ah lost mine on the way back from the pub or wir ever ye know. As a sat doon nearest tae me, ah couldnae help but take a look at ma mates again, they wood soon be comin oot o' it as well, however the pain thit comes from doing this shit soon starts tae catch up tae ye and ah'm starting tae feel bad pains aw ower ma body, if ah went doon tae London mibbe it would be better, aw ah had tae dae is stand in front o'a camera n take a drug, ah've done nearly aw o' the drug scene sae ah guess it woudnae be sae bad. Wi a giant boost a energy a dooned tha drink – Fuck it, lets dae it.  
Ah emediatley shot intae ma room tae find the card the blond bird hud given me – Fuck wir is it, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Ah searched ivry pocket ah had in thit fuckin jacket but it wasnae thair, wir the fuck could it huv gone, ah searched sum more n before long a hud tore ma room apart looking fir a single scrap a paper, ah searched high, ah searched low, ah searched places ah hud already searched through three times before. Ah was becoming possessed almost, ah hud tae huv thit piece o' paper, it was ma goal, ma life, ma holy grail if yae will. Wait, thair it was, or rather half o' it, ah only had one half o' it, - where the fuck is the other half!? Ah screamed sae loud thit ah think ah woke ma mates up, ah couldnae care, right now ma only goal wis tae find the other half, but ah new thit if a had tore ma room apart n only found one half thit it would be bear impossible tae find the other. Ah sat back doon n the "livingroom" ma heid n ma hands ah defeated man, - What's sup Boz? Lee asked me as he came round from 'is trip oan the ground. – Ah've jist tore ma room apart looking fir one measly piece a paper n aw ah could find was one fuckin half o' it, Lee looked at me fir a while like ah had this terrible disease, ah felt like boostin his mooth open, he turned tae the table n then back at me n says – wat this piece o' paper? What! Ah look at him n there he his holding the other half, - Ha ha Lee ye fuckin lucky bastard ye, ah leapt oot a ma chair, snatched the other half off o' Lee before he uses it fir cigarette paper n shot oot the door, ah run doon stairs tae the phone n some skinny cunt wit ginger hair is using it, it doesnae matter ah kin wait. Ah'm lyin again – Oi you ya skinny cunt, ah need tae use the phone, the prick turns round – Ye alrite mate ah'll only be another minute, sae ye cun jist wait cant ye, n wit this he turns back round, no way am a havin any o' this shite today – Get tae fuck ye doss cunt, as he turns round a grab him by the collar and heid butt him in the nose sending him flying tae the floor, a kick him a few times before he runs off screamin like a girl – Pussy! Ah put the paper together as best ah cud n dialed the number, the ring seems tae go on forever – Hello? A posh English voice asked; Success, ah shouted as a punched the air - Hello? Who is this? - Oh shit – err is this Kim? - Yes who is this? - Err its Boz, we met at the Edinburgh festival, ah wis wonderin if ye wir still offerin thit... - Oh you, of course I remember you now. Yes I am when are you available? – Err right now, ah answered. – That's great, meet me near the entrance in the South London warehouses tomorrow at around seven and I'll sort everything out, ok, bye, n wit thit she hung up, aw ah hud tae dae now was git a train doon tae London, easier said than done. 


	4. Part 4 London Calling

Part 4. London Calling  
  
Some how ah managed tae git a train ticket tae London, however ah got ripped off because now ah have no dosh what sae iver, but ma spirits are lifted knowin thit ah'll soon be gitting the greatest high ah've iver hud. Thit's what keeps me goin, ah dinnae want tae git arrested by the polis sae ah huv only broat a few things, six cigarettes in a twentae pack box, a throwaway lighter n sum speed. If this shit doesnae go as well as ah hope ah've got a few contacts doon n London, mostly dealers but thair alrite as long as ye dinnae talk about buisnesss n all thit, ye knew. The journae doon seems like foriver, but it's eywis like thit when ye know thit your gonna be gittin something good, time just seems tae slow doon, seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours, hours seem like... well ye git what ah'm sayin. Ah'm deid tired sae ah try tae git a quick sleep in, but ma mind jist wont let me, the thought keeps me awake through the entire journey n when a finally git intae London ma body feels like its gonna jist shut off n collapse right thair n then. Ah've got a about n hour before ah have tae meet that English bird Kim, sae ah decide tae git a drink in but all the pubs are full because thairs a fitba game on, n everyone is hoping David Beckham is going tae score a few goals like say, ah hate him, ah've eywis prefferd Archie Gemmil maself, but tae his credit Beckham can give a great free kick. Ah think tae maself about buying a pint n cheering on the cunt but then ah remember that ah've no' got any poppy sae ah decide tae walk tae the meeting place, the streets are cold n damp n here ah am with a fuckin suit on, daft bastard Boz me aye, ah git tae the entrance o' the warehouses n ah start looking around, like say, mostly for the blond bird but also the polis as well. It's still blowin a gale sae ah try n light up a cigarette jist tae try n keep ma aching body warm but the wind makes sure ma lighter doesnae work sae this great high better be worth it aw ah'll be well pissed off at the bitch. In the distance ah see two people walkin towards me, thair hard tae see sae they might be jist two people looking for a quite place to git thair leg ower, but as they come close tae me ah realise its Kim n some other person wit a hair cut thit suggests he's bin n the army, this isn't good.  
- I'm so glad you could make it Boz, and may I say that you're looking better than you did at the festival, she's talking a bit nervously like n the way the other fella is looking behind him all the time arouses ma suspicions, - Oh I almost forgot, this Steadler he'll also be joining us, - alrite man, ah say waving ma hand at him but the pompous prick has non o' it n jist ushers us inside intae a warehouse, they aw look the same tae me but ah couldnae care about thit, aw about suspicious Steadler, ah was gonna have the greatest high in ma life, thit's aw ah cared about... n possibly shagging Kim. 


	5. Part 5 Video Tapes and Internet Chat Roo...

Part 5. Video Tapes and Internet Chat Rooms  
  
When we gae intae the warehouse, its jist what ah had expected, boxes, crates the usual shit thit they dump in here. The thing is, neither o' them are carrying anything sae where's this camera? By this time paranoia was getting tae aw o' us, no' one person n this room looked like they cud trust each other, thair was a knock on the door which sent ma soul half way across the room n then back again. Steadler the cunt tries tae act all hero n gets his gun oot, he leaves me n Kim jist standing thair like scarecrows, ah look a Kim n she looks a me, its about this time thit ah start tae git my first feeling thit mibbe this wasnae such a good idea, mibbe ah should av stayed in Scotland, mibbe ah should huv jist no' looked for the phone number, mibbe ah should huv told the bitch tae fuck off... mibbe thairs nae such thing as the greatest high? Steadler comes back wit someone else now but they don't introduce me, Kim jist tells me tae gae intae the next room n sit on the box facin the glass, were the camera will be behind n where the guy who'll be givin me this high will also be. Ah walk intae the room n like she says thair's a box facin the glass, ah look around n try tae see the other fella who's givin me the high but thair's nae one here, aw o' sudden sum meaty bastard comes oot o' the shadows, he's a big bastard as well, ah don't see any marks on his arms sae ah guess he isn't a junkie like me, he jist stands thair staring at me, ah'm gitting a bit nervous at this, ah feel like ah'm a stripper aw something here tae entertain him while he jerks off, sae ah try n engage n conversation n shit - Ah really hope yer on the level friend, the longest greatest high ah cun imagine n no polis tae deal wit right? Tae good tae be true. He says nothing, jist comes up tae me n stands behind us like say, he might no' be intae needles but he might be intae something else, the fucking buftie boy! Ah feel like ah want burst his mooth open but then it wud jist be a waste o' time n money, ma money. Kim's voice comes ower some speakers n he asks me "why ah'd want this" this calmes me doon a tad - Ah don't know ah jist take the good times as they come, S aw good as long as ah cin git high, but paranoia hud hit so bad ah hud tae ask - err by the way why are ye taping this? Nothing, nobody answered, thair was complete n utter silence, oh shit! 


	6. Part 6 What happened next?

Part 6. What happened next?  
  
Deep in a south London warehouse, Boz a simple Scotsman whose only goal in life was to live it to its full and basically get high is wishing he had never had enough money for the ticket there, had never found Kim's number, had never met Kim, had never went to the festival. Boz is feeling very nervous, especially as some shirtless hippy is standing behind him grinning, he want to hear Kim's voice again but there isn't any sound coming from the two way mirror he is looking at. Boz decides to ask something, anything but his minds blank, - Sae what dae ye want me tae dae? How long dae ah huv tae sit 'ere? Suddenly the man standing behind Boz begins to grab at Boz's hair and shoulder exposing Boz's neck - Hey what are ye doing, Christ ah don't like that, what the fuck are ye doing? Now the vampire shows his fangs and slowly begins to lower his head to Boz's neck while all Boz can do is protest in fear - Hey what's this shit ah'm no' intae thit, cut it oot. It's about this time that the vampire Alucard, Hellsing's clean up man, decides that now would be a good time to step in, emerging from the ceiling shadows in a 50's suit and elongating Boz's life by a few minutes, the other vampire however is not amused by Alucards entrance, clothes or taunts that have been thrown at him and asks who he is, Boz seeing that there will be a fight as neither of the two look the type to back down tries to get out of this the only way he knows how - Eh sorry, what is this eh? Are ye lads gonna fight? He tries to get up and run for it as fast as his legs could take him - 'Cause ah'll jist be goin... but the shirtless vampire who is pissed off at Alucard simply throws him very hard against the wall and poor Boz, a simple Scotsman looking for the greatest, longest high ever had, dies.  
  
I welcome any reviews, thank you. 


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